Victor or Victim...the Choice is Yours

Every one of us has a choice to make when we wake up in the morning and start our day. This choice is simple, it’s yours, and you are in complete control of it. Granted some people may face bigger challenges than others, however life will always have ups and downs and that is something that will not change. What you can change is your outlook and how you overcome those challenges. The choice we can all make every day is choosing our attitude.

Think about if for a second, when you wake up and the weather is bad, does that lead to negative thoughts, that then become negative conversations with others? Maybe you had to get up earlier than you normally would, and this turns into complaining to others about how tired you are. Or do you look on the bright side, start to think about all the great things that could happen that day and the days to come? This is what I call the Victim/Victor attitude and it truly is a choice that is made by you and only you.

What fascinates me is the number of people who truly have no clue that they portray a victim mentality. There are varying degrees of this, where some really stand out and others may not. When I facilitate workshops and train to this material it quickly becomes evident as to which category people in the class fall into. Typically, the victims in the class are shocked that this is how they are viewed and how they conduct themselves.

How can you tell if you are in the mindset of being the victim? Here are some examples of what a victim looks like: making excuses, blaming others and not accepting responsibility. Rather than helping with a situation a victim complains about it, or worse they tell you what you did wrong. They display a helpless attitude; defeated, denial, always looking for people to feel bad about their situation, pointing fingers, and conversations are perceived as negative. Does that describe you? If you’re not sure ask a trusted friend/coach who will be honest with you. Not to worry these behaviours can be corrected! However, it takes commitment and a willingness to want to change. With a strong coach you can get on the road to becoming a victor! Your coach should be someone you trust to give you open and honest feedback to steer you in the direction of winning!

Some examples of what a victor looks like: a victor accepts responsibility; a victor knows how important it is to assist in times of crisis. A victor maintains a positive attitude at all times. A victor provides hope no matter what the situation; a victor will encourage, and a victor continually tries to find the good around them. This doesn’t mean that the victor is spreading cheer when the ship is sinking, it’s the opposite. The victor will help to pull things together and they will take the people who are defeated and push and coach them to see their way through any situation. A victor is truly an accountable person!

Accountability is a very interesting word this is often perceived differently by others. For me, I used to believe accountability was about disciplining people for not living up to what they were expected to do, man was I wrong. Accountability is accepting what you are responsible for and living up to your expectations day in and day out. When you make a mistake and you will, you own it and learn from it. When a person makes a commitment to set their sights on being a victor they naturally assume accountability because of how they view things. They also excel over others in their personal life and work, because to them they have an attitude that anything can be accomplished.

Do yourself a favor and start to pay attention to the people around you and observe. Listen for conversations that would describe a victor or a victim, you may be surprised at what you learn.

The mind is a powerful thing folks, tomorrow morning when you wake up, are you going to be a Victor or Victim…. the choice is yours!!

"You Wanna Go?

Have you ever been in a conversation at your workplace with a person who appears to be aggressive, waving their hands, possibly leaning towards you and raising their voice? Or maybe they can never be wrong, they always seem to be talking rather than listening and somehow, they manage to take control of every idea or decision? Well I have and I would like to share with you my experiences and what comes from these types of conversations.

For almost 20 years I worked in the automotive industry and for anyone who has experienced automotive you know how busy and stressful this type of an environment can become. One time we were launching a major program in our facility, so the emotions are running high and to say the least people are on edge and frustrated. I was speaking with another Leader and at the start of the conversation everything was going fine and then it happened. Somehow the person I was talking with felt challenged and the tone went from an open discussion to a defensive, waving his hands, red in the face and voice raised up a decibel or two. I listened, as any good Leader should, and once the person was finished I asked, “You wanna go?” He stopped and was completely baffled at my comment and said, “What are you talking about?” I replied, “Well, the way you’re talking to me makes me feel like we should go outside and fight!” He said, “That makes no sense.” My reply to him was, “Think about how, and what you just said to me. Were you looking to have a conversation that creates frustration, anger, a one-sided lecture? Wouldn’t you prefer a conversation of a healthy challenge, a positive interaction, a conversation that stimulates your mind and makes you want to talk to that person again and again?”

Picture yourself as a Leader having a conversation with another person or possibly your boss and the conversation is surrounded by negative comments like “how come this wasn’t done” or “I asked for this yesterday, this is unacceptable” or the classic “No that’s not how it happened, let me tell you the way it was”. While these types of questions or comments are happening, picture the body language, pointing fingers toward you, the person visibly shows anger or the appearance of being upset or frustrated, the voice goes up a decibel or two. Depending on your personality you can end up arguing or agreeing, or maybe shutting down all together and never wanting to cross paths with that Leader again.

As Leaders we should challenge our peers, our bosses, and the people who work for us, but the challenge should be one that inspires, motivates, makes people think, and empowers the person. We should never become defensive when challenged.

I did some serious soul searching on how I personally led the fantastic people I worked with and let me tell you I realized I’d been doing things absolutely ass backwards!! The environment I was creating was one of a top down approach, holding people accountable by way of authority rather than responsibility and empowerment. I was in a rut, I felt I was stuck!! I couldn’t figure it out, how did I get this way? I had always been a people person, I have a Human Resources background, I love people! And then it hit me I had become a product of the environment I was working in and I didn’t like it. It was time for a change and that change started with me!

I decided to become the Leader I knew would make me a better person and ultimately allow people who work for me or with me, to grow and become better Leaders/people. How did I do that? I started by creating a safe environment, and how does that happen? It starts with how you interact with people, the types of questions you ask, there’s an old saying I love “as a Leader there are two things you can bring to a fire, water or gas”. I personally choose water. The job of a Leader is to listen and diffuse situations, keep people focused, engaged and never, ever, fuel the fire!! Always keep your interactions positive! However, this isn’t easy for many of us especially if you have a culture or an environment of unhealthy debate and what I mean by that, is the person you’re debating with can never be wrong. Or you have a top down approach, meaning that you have stifled people’s creativity and ideas because as the Leader you somehow have managed to take control of the decisions and now people are looking towards you for all the answers.

The next time you are having a conversation with someone and it turns from good to bad, look at them and say, “You wanna go?” Then take the time to explain the power of positive interactions and creating a safe environment where people will speak up and challenge you and embrace a culture of creativity and inspiration! In closing I would like you to consider this, would you prefer to go through your career to only be remembered as the Leader who made all the decisions and showed authority and dominance or would you rather be remembered as the Visionary Leader who empowered people, created a safe environment and allowed people to grow to their full potential? Gas or Water, you choose.