Emotional Intelligence

Unlock the Power of Your Emotions for Personal and Professional Success

I find it interesting to observe and understand these things called EMOTIONS. As a practitioner of Emotional Intelligence I have spent years learning, understanding, and teaching the fundamentals of Emotional Intelligence and how it can assist or hinder our personal and professional relationships. Often, I’m asked, “what is the difference between our I.Q. (Intelligence Quotient) and our E.Q. (Emotional Quotient)?” I.Q. is a measure of a person’s reasoning ability and can be measured by taking an I.Q. test which is supposed to gauge how well someone can use information and logic to answer questions or make predictions. E.Q., also known as Emotional Intelligence, or E.I., is our ability to understand, use and manage our own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, demonstrate empathy with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.

There have been numerous studies done on I.Q. and E.I.  and both hold value, however the research time and time again shows that having a high Emotional Intelligence is a good predictor of success in many areas of our lives. So, what are some of the areas of E.I.  that we should be aware of so we can become better personally and professionally? 

-  Empathy - the ability to empathize with others is a very important part of a person’s Emotional Intelligence.  Meaning you can appreciate someone else’s feelings, and you empathize from a place of listening curiously as opposed to judging.

-  Self-awareness - our ability to understand our own strengths and limitations as well as sense and understand others contributes to a higher E.I.-  Stress management - often one of the most difficult aspects of our work and personal lives. To manage and understand stress we need to embrace flexibility and optimism, meaning that we can adapt to unpredictable circumstances. We can also view problems as a learning opportunity during times of stress and high emotions. 

The great thing about our Emotional Intelligence is that it can be developed and improved at any time in our lives.  Becoming Emotionally Intelligent is viewed as a core competency and part of a skill set that allows us to build more confidence, self-esteem and ultimately foster stronger positive relationships. 

Curious to learn more about yourself and how to increase your Emotional Intelligence? Reach out and get a conversation started, we’re here to help!

So Many Distractions...

There are so many distractions to take our mind in so many different directions today. Outside distractions, as well as inside distractions, and both can take us down different rabbit holes. Before we know it, we’ve spent so much time on things that don’t hold a lot of value.

So, what do these distractions look or sound like? The outside noise is rapid and comes with such volume that it can be intimidating. At times we feel like we are drinking from a fire hose! Social media platforms, all the various feeds for news, and of course always having our device with us and ready to view 24/7 can often be our loudest noise. I’m not against any of these things, as they can hold great value if we choose to treat them with care; working hard at not allowing all the fear, shame, guilt, judgement and comparison that can easily happen if we immerse ourselves in our devices. Everything in moderation as the saying goes. Our ‘inside’ distractions can easily be magnified by these outside ones, as we typically produce around 65,000 thoughts a day! I know that sounds like a lot, and it truly is, but the important thing to keep in mind is whether these thoughts are controlling us, or are we controlling our thoughts?

I would prefer that I decide  how to control these thoughts. I find a lot of peace in knowing that I’m accountable for my thoughts, and my responses, and I get to decide how these work every single day. Things like meditation, journaling, practicing emotional intelligence are all ways for each of us to stay present, grounded and work towards much more satisfying thoughts and relationships. Of course, things will happen that we don’t want, or we never expected… this is called life! We all want to experience joy and not pain, but the reality is both will take place in our lives. Your ability to get back up and keep going depends on how you handle the noise. Ultimately you are in control of your thoughts and the distractions!

Power vs. Influence

Working for a leader, which do you prefer: a leader who exudes power in order to get you to do your job or a leader who influences you to see the value in yourself and your work? In my experience people want influence over power every time. In today’s fast paced businesses, however, many leaders fall victim to using power and end up creating separation within teams, eroding relationships and ultimately breaking down all forms of trust.  Influencing people as a leader holds so much value and ends up creating a positive workplace culture. 

As a Leader, if you come to the realization that you are hitting the Easy Button, aka, The Power Button not to worry you can make the change. Rather than pointing blame or looking to hold people accountable as a way of authority, try to be curious about what people offer, even when they make mistakes and people do make mistakes!  Also, look for the moments when you can give recognition when people/teams achieve or do something that warrants acknowledgement from you as the Leader. Promote transparency and be critical about ‘what’ went wrong and not ‘who’ did wrong. 

The more self aware you become of the Power Button and start paying attention to ways to encourage and influence, the better relationships you will form with these fine people who come in to do the work everyday.  Influence people to be the best version of themselves and you will be on your way to building great teams and becoming a great Leader who will be remembered in very positive way!

Energy and Relationships... do you know how you show up?

A new year with new opportunities lays ahead for all of us, if we can see the opportunities when they are presented to us. If you don’t notice the doors of opportunity as they open, maybe it’s time to be honest with yourself and really look hard at the energy you’re giving away, as well as the relationships you have with others.

Do you know how you are showing up day in and day out? This term “showing up” seems to be popular in the world of pod casts, social media and other avenues of information and for good reasons. Knowing how you show up (also known as self-awareness) plays a very important part in our work and personal lives in a sense of cultivating how you feel about yourself, how you feel about others and your ability to build relationships.

Self-awareness can be described as “the ability to recognize and understand one’s own emotions”. When we can recognize and lean into our thoughts and emotions we stand a greater chance of forming better relationships, not only with other people but with ourselves. When we get in tune with our self- awareness this will allow us to become more curious and less judgemental of others mainly because we can see our own blind spots and learn how to adjust for a better overall experience.

Energy, is defined as “the strength and vitality required for sustained physical or mental activity”. How does this apply to you as well as others? Think about relationship energy - the energy that is created and worked on when forming relationships with other people. Every time we interact with others, we give off a form of energy and this leaves a certain type of impression. That energy can appear in many different forms. Some of these would include, positive or negative, passionate or disinterested, warm or cold, vibrant or dull, passive or assertive, a good experience or possibly a bad experience. If you were to reflect on the energy you give out during interactions, do you know what impression you leave with the other person? Could you be oblivious to this and possibly perceived as a bit of an emotional roller coaster by those around you.

Being more observant of your own emotions and interactions with people will help you to strengthen your ability to form deep and meaningful relationships. Have patience and take the time to expand your own perspective on ‘Energy and Relationships” and watch the doors of opportunity open for you and those around you.

Accountability

In my past workplace accountability always seemed to be this elusive ‘thing’. Today I find many of the  clients I partner with also find ‘it’ a struggle. When speaking about accountability with many different levels of leadership, from the shop floor to the highest level, I seem to get a mixed bag of nuts on how leaders view accountability and how they think they can grow it in their teams. The one thing that is common, no matter where I go, is that all leaders want a culture of accountability within their workplace, they just wrestle with how to make this happen.

I personally screwed this up years ago, when I let my leadership rank and ego be large and in charge.  I tried using a way of authority and discipline to create this thing called accountability and it obviously did not work.  Since then, I have spent countless hours researching and understanding how organizations and teams can create a positive culture that thrives on accountability. I believe there are some simple things that we miss.

The first place to look if you are the leader of a team is in the mirror!  As a leader if you find yourself blaming others for not being accountable and focusing on “who” rather than “what” went wrong then you will struggle! For accountability to grow it must start with you and no one else.  This means leading by example. Now this is an easy catch phrase to toss around, and it may sound good, but upon reflection, are you truly leading by example in all areas of your leadership?

The next thing to consider, is that people want purposeful work and growth within any organization.  If we stifle creativity, and give people the same daily routines, over time they will lose any sort of motivation and the spirit of accountability will grow oh so dim.  Under your care as a leader, it is your responsibility to foster and encourage people’s thoughts and ideas and to look for ways to help foster advancement or growth within a position.

And lastly, people will start to care when they know that you care!  This means becoming a servant leader who lives in humility, always looking for ways to help your team. 

There is no sure-fire way to grow a culture of accountability, like anything good it takes time, patience and a lot of work but there is a huge pay off if you stick with it.